Friday, February 8, 2008

Paninis Kill

I was at a local cafe today and ordered a panini. It was delicious!! However, they should come with a warning label that tells you there's a chance that your uvula, tonsils, esophagus, etc are in danger of impalement upon the razor-sharp, strong-as-steel crusts which will become lodged in your throat stabbing you repeatedly with every cough, swallow or spasm!!! OWWW!! My poor tender throat parts will never be the same. (Do they make ninja throwing stars out of panini bread cuz that could probably save those ninjas a lot of money...just invest in one panini grill and bam you have yourself a ninja star factory.)

Anyhoo, I'm sitting there having lunch alone thinking "Dear God in Heaven, please do not let me choke on my ninja star panini here in this cafe filled with skinny women!! Will they have the strength to do the heimlich? Will their teeny tiny arms be able to wrap around my gut to administer the heimlich?" And just as my panic reaches its peak, I'm able to get the demon bread all the way down. Now I just sit there quite embarassed at my tear-filled eyes and all the hand waving that I was unaware I was even doing. The only reason I know I was flailing is because my hand, with a mind of its own, is still doing a sort of pathetic twitchy wave which I promptly stop because as my blurry vision focuses I see a woman I don't know at the door waving back at me with a very puzzled look on her face.

I think next Friday I'm going to stick to my usual Taco Bell fix and a really long nap.

No comments: