Wednesday, March 5, 2008

I can't wait to puke!

There is only one situation I've ever been in where I said, "I can't wait to puke." Migraine. It's like there's a little elf wearing stiletto heals practicing javelin throwing running around in your brain. And, inevitably, the only way to relieve the pain is to puke your guts out. Why am I talking about puking? Well, yesterday was Migraine Tuesday.

It started as just some pressure behind my eye...hmmm...weird but no big deal. Then within 2 hours those maniacal little elves were having a full on track and field meet in my brain. So I decided to go home early from work. I just make it to my designated parking spot at my complex and promptly jump out of my car and hurl all over the hedges lining our parking lot. Thank God everybody was at work cuz oh the shame. So I drag my bum into the house, up the stairs and open my bedroom door. My little Jasper comes wiggling his way to me unable to contain himself. And, of course, the day when I do not need any more extra complications, Jasper had pooed on the carpet between the door and my bed and in his excitement tromped all in it.

CRAP (literally and expletively)!!

So I scoop him up and clean his little paws. Thinking I got it all, I drop him on my bed...boy was I wrong. Unbeknownst to me, there were little poo paws (now my dog's nickname) all over my quilt and my sheets. To top it off I banged my heel on the bed and took a chunk of skin off. So now I'm bleeding (but didn't know it) and my dog is poo-pawing all over my bed. Finally, I look down and see the mess. If I didn't have such a huge migraine...well lets just say my giving-up-cussing-for-lent pledge would've brought some major fire and brimstone. So now I grab little poo paws and dump him in the bathtub and make sure I get every little spec, change my bed, change my clothes (cuz there's a little poo from picking up my dog and a little puke from outside on my shirt) dump it all in the washer, curl up in bed and sleep like the dead for about 8 hours. After which, I hose down the bushes and parking lot and go get some dinner cuz after that laugh fest, I'm starving.

The best day ever..oh yeah.
There he is, hiding the offending paws in shame.

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